I've been contemplating anger a lot lately. A teacher of mine, from the Tuscarora nation, said that the moment before we feel angry, we feel helpless. Yes. That makes so much sense.
Helplessness and powerlessness are extremely difficult to be with. It makes complete sense that the rush of intensity we get from anger is a welcome distraction. It's a fiery strong feeling that can override a more vulnerable feeling of being hurt. The problem is... what you resists persists. The more you try to evade uncomfortable feelings, the more they show up in your life. It's like clogging a drain to stop the flow. Eventually the pipes will burst. Coactive coaching is about being with the feelings that are hard to be with and looking at the ways we finagle our way out of feeling them. Your coach is a trusted ally who can be with you while you are being with what's uncomfortable.
There is a power in anger when we channel the energy into self awareness. Think about how much energy is flowing through you when you feel angry. How can that energy be used to support your goals and dreams? What can you learn from it?
Next time you are angry, experiemnet! You do not have to give in to anger just because you are feeling it.
what am I feeling powerless about?
are there other feelings beneath this anger that are vulnerable/hard to be with?
is there really a threat to me?
where do I feel the anger inside myself?
what do I need in order to feel safe enough to feel the more vulnerable feelings?
what about the situation DO you have power to influence?
what is truly out of your control?
what about the situation is your own responsibility?
It is brave and courageous to ask yourself these questions. The pay off is more range of experience. The ability to connect more with others. The very real honing of your power to affect change. The freeing up of your own energy that's being used holding onto your anger.
I would love to support you in the process of being with the feelings that are difficult for you and see you shine ✨