I’ve been thinking a lot about working with my own coach: what I’ve accomplished and who I’m becoming. I worked for a 9 month period meeting with my coach every other week. It’s the same schedule I try to have with my own clients who commit to longer term coaching.
Each session produces so much insight. I was working on trusting myself more. I wanted to care less what other people thought. I was visioning being a more present mom to my 9 year old. I wanted to drink less after the pandemic and death of my partner led me to form the habit of a nightly couple of beers. I always ended each session with a fresh perspective, or a new possibility opened up for what can happen in my life. However, I’d sometimes feel frustrated coming to the next session and talking about the same topics and issues that were challenging me in the previous session. How could these things still be an issue when I felt a breakthrough just 2 weeks before? Was I stuck? Was I deficient in some way?
The truth is that transformation takes time. And it’s often not noticeable until it has happened. It’s like when you look at a child everyday and suddenly, after months, notice the child has grown. We don’t see a daily change but suddenly something new has formed.
I see it in my own clients. A breakthrough happens and then weeks later we are talking about the same issue. I trust the process though. Where attention goes, energy flows. The caterpillar spends between 21 days and 3 years in a cocoon (depending on climate) before its transformation is complete. It’s a messy scene. There is a breakdown of matter. The innards become gooey. Time is a friend making sure the transformation is complete and whole and the mess is cleaned up. I just worked with a client for over a year and, as much as I enjoyed our coaching relationship, I noticed she had become a different person. I suggested we talk about pausing coaching so she could fully experience her transformation. It was so celebratory to see what had emerged in her being! And in my own life, I have accomplished all the things I had on my “challenges” list with my coach. I have so much more trust in myself, I feel more balanced as a parent, and my relationship with alcohol is healthier.
So, if you are feeling stuck, despite breakthroughs in your life, trust time. Trust the gooey mess. Trust yourself. And even if I’m not your coach, you can trust that I trust the process. Take good care! xo