As a free spirit hippie at heart, I traditionally cringe when the subject of boundaries comes up. Boundaries seem counterintuitive to the freedom and connection I seek. At one point in my life, I even tried to reframe the subject by calling them "parameters". That way, they felt more moveable and a little more permeable. I have learned, however, that boundaries do not limit me or separate me from others. In fact they expand everything I am trying to create.
The first way a strong boundary assists me is that it lets me define myself. Defining who I am allows the universe to have an exact location to send me the opportunities I desire. Without a strong sense of self, I become a room in a building amongst other rooms and when the mail gets delivered, it sits on the stairway waiting to get sorted. A boundary provides an exact location for us to receive. My dimensions and address are clearly defined when I wall myself off from experiences I do not want. A boundary is what we are saying No to. If we are shy about saying No, our mailbox gets filled with junk mail and there is no room for the deliveries of our desires, wishes and passions.
I truly believe that we create our own reality. That isn't to say that everything is in our control but we do have a creative hand in the trending of our experiences. Boundaries allow us to manifest more of what we want by being clear about what we don't want. Consider human beings as open vessels. We are open vessels AND we have desires and experiences we long for. Without boundaries to limit the experiences we don't want, we are giving our environment to message that all experiences are ok with us. It's classic mixed messaging! And we will be responded to in kind. A clear No is the most powerful way to manifest your Yes!
It's counterintuitive but boundaries are what allow us to most deeply connect and bond with others. When two people without a strong sense of self and clearly defined edges try to connect the result is a mishmash of diluted twoness. A little of one person leaks into the other and vice versa. It can look like connection because each person's edges are permeable. However, this connection lacks depth and power. When two people create boundaries with each other to support each person feeling more rooted in themself and safe in a relationship, then the bond is profound. Safety allows more subtle aspects of a person to be expressed. Safety that is created by boundaries allows each person to get to know themselves even better and gives them more of themselves to share. When this occurs, freedom becomes the geography of the relationship because each person is tethered to each other and to themselves. Like a tree with strong roots- the branches can grow broad and dance in the wind.
We are approaching the season where it is natural to set goals, visualize and manifest. Don't forget to define what you are saying No to as part of your process.
