The Wheel is turning… On vulnerability, surrender and Patriarchy

I’m remembering how warrior like I was when wanting to experience a greater awareness of myself. There was a hypervigilance when it came to being aware of my motivations/desires/triggers. I never wanted to act from a place of unconsciousness. I was doing ”all the things” to avoid being asleep! I wanted to be woke! Therapy, meditation, yoga, praying in temples in India, solo retreats, reiki, sweat lodges, cleanses, fasting… all wonderful things, but looking back, I did them with the attitude of “Im not enough”. I couldn’t be comfortable in my own skin. I couldn’t love my imperfections. I could not be vulnerable. I was impatient with “the process”. Pushing. Taking control. Grinding my teeth. And getting very tired.

A wise friend called me out, “Arjan, you are evolving. You don’t need to pour miracle grow on it!” I immediately saw a wheel turning…. a deeper resource in me revealed itself. It was my connection with my soul. An Unfamiliar place… a place more knowing than my intellect. It showed me evolution and growth is our natural state and it’s happening organically. We ARE naturally creative, resourceful, and whole. We don’t have to work hard at it! We just need to surrender to it!

As if to highlight the point, a Teacher shared something with me that was powerful. He asked me, “what is balance?” Before I could answer, he said “balance is not falling down”. How freeing! What a wide range we can experience and still be balanced. There is so much room to move.


In thinking about this today I see how much the patriarchal energy provides a framework for the “self help” movement. There is an implicit feeling of having to be better, to get somewhere, to make ourselves uncomfortable in every way except actually being vulnerable! While I truly believe that navigating discomfort has its value, it is also nourishing to love ourselves for all our imperfections and messiness. It‘s so powerful to rest and ride the wheel that is forever turning. Our culture doesn’t point to this as a potent experience because it is inherently feminine. We don’t value surrender, vulnerability, and ease. Goals, (even simple goals like becoming more aware) are only celebrated if they are worked hard for. We value doing, not being.


Coactive coaching emphasizes how important it is to both do (active) AND be (co). It is a balanced approach to a fulfilling life. Where feelings matter as much as actions. Where the focus of our intention is as important as the outcome.

Take an honest look at your life. Notice your growth. Revel in how far you’ve come. Be humble in the face of how far you want to go. Enjoy the ride! 💗



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